In titling this Web log “Straight Spouse Connection,” my
intention was to offer the site as a virtual peer support group for straight
spouses in mixed-orientation relationships. 
I hoped that online visitors would return often to the site, leave their
comments, and build a genuine conversation on burning issues shared by others
in the same messy situation. 

    To my delight, that connection has evolved.  Over time more than 46,000 visits and nearly 400 comments demonstrate
an ongoing need for information about gay-straight marriages.  Moreover, many of the comments express
gratitude for this forum as a safe place to express their private thoughts and
fears.  Some have said that they have
nowhere else to turn.  Peer support is an
immense help here because we are isolated in a predicament that outsiders
simply don’t understand.

    I encourage you to join our conversation.  Choose a title or category from the lists in
the left margin of the home page, or scroll through the whole blog and stop at
any title that speaks to your need.  It’s
easy to leave a comment at the end of an article.  Click on “comments” to open previous readers’
remarks, then scroll to the box at the end where you can add your
thoughts.  You’ll see that many visitors
return frequently and actually “converse” with me and with each other.  If a particular topic captures you, subscribe
to the comment feed to remain informed and engaged.  

    Browse the site to find posts that touch on topics of
personal interest, perhaps stages of recovery, recognizing your gay mate’s
identity evolution, the question of choice, religious conflicts, telling the
children, or cultivating courage.  Relevant
current events may interest you, such as the implications of Prop 8 in California or the outing of famous people like Ted Haggard.  Each post opens a subject and reader comments
fill in the blanks.

    While you’re here, click on the cover images of my books or DVD.  This will take you to my other Website, where you can watch
a trailer of the video, hear radio interviews, learn more about related books
and find other resources. 

    You are always welcome at either of these Web sites.  Please visit often and engage in this ongoing
peer support effort.  You may be
surprised at the beneficial results of the Straight Spouse Connection. 


  1. Richard in Philadelphia says:

    I see that I am the first to comment. The truth is we haven't told our adult children yet. I insisted that we wait until our son -- who suffers from bi-polar disorder, graduates from college this May. Telling him now may derail him and jeopardize his ability to make it to the finish line.
    I don't know if my wife who has admitted to being a lesbian, will want to be honest when we tell the kids. After 33 years of being happily married, they will have a very difficult time understanding why this is happening. It was a secret that no one but my wife knew about. While I am devastated, I want her to be happy because I love her with all my heart. Nevertheless, I still wish this could all go away and our lives could continue even with my knowledge of her secret. I know that is unfair of me. I have a long way to go in my healing process.
    I appreciate your kind advice about telling the children -- to be honest and not disguise the real reason for the divorce. I pray that my wife will agree to this but at the same time, I am concerned about my kids' reaction to the news. They are as clueless as I was. Thanks, too, for focusing your readers on the fact that we need to live in the now, always giving honor to the present. That philosophy of life is so obvious but so many of us never discover that it is the only way to live.

  2. SGM.Frederick Chapman says:

    I am the grandfather of a 3 year old grandson that is starting to ask questions about why his dad doesn't come to see him anymore. His dad came out 2 years ago, and he and my daughter were divorced right after that. Since my daughter and grandson moved back home, I and her step dad are the primary males in my grandsons life, except for the couple of times his dad skypes with him each week. I am looking for any resources to help me in my role as a grandfather to help my grandson and daughter heal, but I want my grandson to know and love his dad too.

Leave a Reply