If you searched out Straight Spouse Connection, you are probably in the grip of grief.  Loss drives straight spouses to come here seeking information, comfort, and connection.  The articles here emphasize assurance that pain passes and a calmer, happier future is possible.  In many cases, the mixed-orientation crisis opens a door to something even better.

I found echoes of that inspiring truth in one of my favorite blogs, Andi O’Conor’s Burning Down the House:  Essays on the Poetry of Loss.   Andi’s family home burned when she was twelve, her parents and siblings barely escaping by jumping out second-story windows.  Again, as an adult, fire destroyed the home she’d built for herself in Four Mile Canyon near Boulder, Colorado.  Andi writes of these ironic, devastating losses in a wise, constructive way. 

Her latest post also has a link to her TED talk titled “A Pretty Good Deal.”  In this moving video, she gives convincing evidence that “losing everything can restore your faith in humanity.”

I highly recommend that you visit and browse Andi’s posts to learn how she overcame loss and grief and rebuilt a more rewarding life and career.  Her story is full of hope and it’s totally relevant to the straight spouse experience.  Above all, take ten minutes to watch her TED Talk.

Like Andi, people in mixed orientation relationships may be living in a "house with walls that need to come down."  I’ve tested and witnessed that concept personally and found it sound.  Every seeming disaster in my past has somehow opened my heart and mind to something better.  That message is so beautifully stated in Andi's blog and her video.  I'm a grateful fan and I think you will be as well.


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2 Responses to “SAVING WHAT MATTERS”

  1. cynthia stephens says:

    Regarding loss, every disaster is a pathway to heal. Donna Tartt, in The Goldfinch, used terrorism to reflect metaphorically on the effects of devastating emotional loss. Throughout the novel, she ponders the different ways in which we can respond to the bombs that go off in our lives, and she points the way toward redemption and transcension through her characters. An entirely new and wonderful world can open to those who find their way through suffering to the other side.

  2. Louella C. Komuves says:

    Thanks so much for continuing to post thought-filled conversations here in SSN, Carol. I was very touched and yet fully rejoiced in viewing Andi O'Coner's constructive and positive comments in her video link. Bless her heart.
    The older I am privileged to become, the more I observe that persons deal at some point with negative happenings in life.
    Thanks now to technology we do not have to deal with disasters as isolated individuals yet we have to do our part also.... risk reaching out with our stories. IF we can take that step, then others are there to assist us in picking up the pieces and we all benefit!
    I believe learning is lifelong-emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I am reminded anew of my dad's favorite sayings, "Well, let that be a good lesson for you!" And his other one, "Try and learn something new every day." When we learn something new about ourselves with the understanding that this is a beginning step which likely needs to be further developed, we grow with God's Grace in individually doing all that is possible to take care of ourselves while assisting others in our daily journeys.
    I am glad we were created to need each other and am grateful to SSN for so caringly assisting others in finding peace, hope, and help for men and women, too.

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