Select Reviews ...
"Offers invaluable guidance. . . . Provides a tool kit of practical and powerful strategies by which individuals can guide their own healing and transformation. Ways to process anger, fear, and grief and to deal with health risks will help straight spouses to get through difficult periods in their journeys toward healing and enable them to reconfigure their lives over time. . . . A welcome addition to the literature.”
—Amity Pierce Buxton, PhD
Founder, Straight Spouse Network
"Profoundly useful. . . . Brings together professional counseling advice with the lived experience of dozens of spouses who find themselves with a gay husband or wife. . . . the voice of wisdom is well grounded in the theoretical literature of counseling.”
—Thomas B. Coburn, PhD
President, Naropa University
"With inspirational words from the Bible, Buddhist teachers, Chinese language, and even Dolly Parton, When Your Spouse Comes out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual, is self-help literature that has something for everyone. Although When Your Spouse Comes Out is marketed as "A Straight Mate's Guide," the breadth of its advice makes it an appropriate reference for family, friends, and even gay spouses themselves. . . . Overall, this book accomplishes what it has set out to do and it does it in an insightful and inspirational way."
—Kristen Cole, Journal of GLBT Family Studies, Vol. 5
"After 30 mostly happy years of marriage, Carol Grever’s husband told her that he was gay. As she discovered, the phenomenon is relatively common because many gay men believe they are at economic or social risk if they don’t marry. In My Husband Is Gay: A Woman’s Guide to Surviving the Crisis, Grever shares her story and those of 25 other women of varying ages and backgrounds. Although most of their marriages ended in divorce, some of those who divorced were successful in preserving a healthy friendship with their husbands. Grever provides practical guidance (including professional resources and advice on telling the children) and positive support for women who suddenly find themselves in a marriage that is not what they thought.”
"Succinctly describes phases a spouse is likely to experience and analyzes reactions in terms of underlying psychology. . . . The book is infused with a practical optimism and compassion for all involved while never resorting to phony assurances. . . . It's well done and would be useful to therapists as well as to those who have faced the painful situation addressed."
—Clay Evans, Reviewer for Boulder Camera
"As a past facilitator of Straight Spouse Network, and having professional experience with women at risk, I believe Carol is throwing out a lifeline to spouses in a sea of confusion and self-doubt. Her manual gives women tools to navigate a difficult relationship shift. Carol’s intimate story is absorbing.”
—Mary Evitts, Women’s Health Advocate
"At last! A book to hand to anyone dealing with having a gay spouse that will give them hope that they are not alone and that they can do more than survive! Out of the crucible of pain, in what many of us with gay family members experience as ‘the unexpected journey,’ Carol Grever has created a survival kit for straight spouses that offers hope and an opportunity for enormous personal growth."
—Jean Hodges, President, PFLAG, Boulder, CO
"Carol’s willingness to face her darkest fears and choose the path of love for herself and her ex-husband provides inspiration to all of us. This guidebook is a thoughtful map of the lives of many women and an essential resource for anyone facing the difficult terrain Carol has now charted with wisdom, common sense, and an open heart.”
—Deborah Bowman, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist
"I am impressed with Carol Grever’s ability to pack so much substance and good reading into such a sensitive subject. Discovering your spouse is gay has to be one of life’s most shocking moments. Carol not only tells her own personal story about that discovery, but also tells how she and other straight spouses dealt with the pain and struggled to find their way back to normalcy and happiness.”
—Barrie Hartman, Editor